Russia = The Boston Bruins

Bruins Captain Zdeno Chara

Andrey Arshavin, sadly not part of Russia's team for World Cup 2014

Russia's national animal is the bear, and during the Cold War, Americans viewed the Soviet Union as the pre-eminent symbol of evil in the world. (And some of that perception has returned under the reign of Vladimir Putin.) There is no more evil group of bears in American sports than the Bruins, a team that both takes cheap shots with intent to injure opponents and dives with a brazenness that would make the worst floppers in the World Cup blush. The antics of Brad Marchand, Shawn Thornton, Milan Lucic, and the rest of the Bruins' merry band of goons fill some fairly long Youtube compilations:

Not only are the Bruins vile on the ice, a too-large segment of their fans are even more disgusting. When Montreal Canadiens defenseman P.K. Subban, who is black, scored an overtime goal to beat the Bruins during this past season's playoffs, the N-word trended on Twitter in Boston. And that wasn't the first time something like that happened. Despite Boston's regrettable history regarding race relations, only Bruins fans manifest this sentiment in significant numbers when it comes to Boston's sports scene.

Russia's fútbol team plays like the current Bruins, minus the cheap shots, but their results in tournaments more resemble the pre-2011 Bruins. Under Italian manager Fabio Capello, the Russians unsurprisingly play tough defense of the kind Zdeno Chara would appreciate. In 10 World Cup qualifying matches, they conceded only 5 goals. However, Russia also has a habit of underachieving at major tournaments. They've only won one title in their history, as the Soviet Union at the inaugural European Championship in 1960. They failed to even qualify for the 2006 and 2010 World Cups, missing out on the latter because they lost a UEFA playoff to Slovenia. At Euro 2012, they led their group heading into the final match, needing only a draw to advance. They went out of the tournament after losing to Greece in a game they largely dominated. This pattern continued somewhat in their first game this year; Russia controlled play for the most part against South Korea but only got a draw, thanks to a horrible gaffe by goalkeeper Igor Akinfayev. Russia are probably the 2nd most talented side in Group H, even with midfield leader Roman Shirokov missing the tournament due to injury. Will they be able to get the results they need against Belgium and Algeria to advance to the knockout round?

P.S. Longtime talisman Andrey Arshavin did not make the squad for this year's World Cup, and social media is poorer for it.