Colombia = The Charlotte Hornets

Carlos Valderrama and his signature hairstyle.

Muggsy Bogues, the shortest player in NBA history, and Larry "Grand ma ma" Johnson

Colombia, AKA Los Cafeteros (the coffee growers), weren't the best national team in the early to mid 1990s, but they were perhaps the "coolest" team around! Strutting around in their bright yellow jerseys and Bolivarian color scheme (yellow, blue, red), they played with style and featured some memorable personalities. There was midfield playmaker Carlos "Pibe" Valderrama and his giant bleached blonde mop of curls. I didn't even follow soccer / fútbol back then, not even the World Cup, and I could still recognize him! There was goalkeeper Rene "El Loco" Higuita (not the most original nickname, but accurate) who took penalty kicks and free kicks near the opposing team's goal, dribbled out of his penalty area with impunity, and did things like this:

Yes, the Cafeteros of 1990-1994 were about as close a thing as you'll find in the World Cup to a teal and purple Starter jacket. The Hornets of 5-foot-3 point guard Muggsy Bogues, Larry "Grand ma ma" Johnson, and Alonzo "I went to Georgetown, so I have no soul" Mourning (with Dell "Steph Curry's father" Curry coming off the bench) were one of the most popular teams for neutral fans... tailor made for the aforementioned Starter jackets, NBA Inside Stuff Magazine, and NBA Jam video games. The Hornets' only rival in those realms were the Sonics as Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp became breakout stars. (We will now briefly pause, as this post's author goes into a fit of uncontrollable sadness)

Unfortunately, neither team was able to turn entertainment value and great young talent into championship results. After making the Round of 16 in 1990 and posting the best record in CONMEBOL (South American) Qualifying for USA 1994, Colombia entered World Cup '94 as a title contender. However, Higuita and several other players had been suspended before the World Cup due to being "too close"-- real or perceived-- with drug kingpin Pablo Escobar, who-- it has to be said-- had a significant hand in the development of the entire national team.

(The ESPN "30 for 30" documentary "The Two Escobars" tells this story extraordinarily well. It may be the best of all the ESPN "30 for 30" films, and that's high praise indeed. I can't recommend it strongly enough if you have so much as a slight interest in the subject matter.)

Colombia crashed out in the group stage, eliminated after losing their 2nd group match to the U.S. thanks largely to an own goal by the team's captain and best defender, Andrés Escobar. Several weeks later, he was murdered in a Medellín night club (perhaps because of the own goal, or perhaps not). Colombia qualified for the 1998 World Cup, but weren't the same team anymore.

Meanwhile, the Hornets could never get past the 2nd round of the NBA playoffs. Having Michael Jordan's Bulls and then the Shaq-Penny budding dynasty in Orlando in your conference will do that. Then 'Zo started making waves to try to leave town (because again, Hoyas don't have souls... except for Dikembe Mutombo) and was traded to Miami for Glen Rice... who was quite good, but couldn't replace the dominant center the team had lost. Muggsy declined, L.J. went to the Knicks, and then diabolical owner George Shinn started demanding a new arena, even though the one he had was less than 15 years old (Where have I heard that one before?). Eventually, Shinn moved the team to New Orleans in 2002, keeping the Hornets name (even though it had historical significance to Charlotte!). Some impostor team called the "Bobcats" started in Charlotte a few years later. Colombia also pretty much vanished off the face of the earth after winning the 2001 Copa America.

But now, here in 2014, both Colombia and the Charlotte Hornets make their returns to their sports' biggest stages. As Hugo the Hornet reintroduces himself to Charlotte, Colombia is the top seed in an underwhelming Group C. Unfortunately, they enter the World Cup with so many injury problems, they need to bring in Hawkeye Pierce and Colonel Potter. All-world striker Radamel "El Tigre" Falcao suffered an ACL injury in January and couldn't recover in time to make the squad. Several other would-be starters have gone down in the tune-up friendlies. F.C. Porto's Jackson Martinez will likely take Falcao's place as the primary forward, and various smart people whose work I read rate him highly. The defense should still be solid, and rumored Barcelona target Juan Cuadrado (now of Fiorentina) can create danger down the right wing. A deep run probably isn't in the cards without Falcao, but they should at least get out of the group, which wouldn't be a bad return performance after 16 years away. The tournament is definitely more fun with the Cafeteros in it. Let's hope we never go an entire decade without them in the World Cup or the Charlotte Hornets in the NBA ever again!