Mexico = The Texas Longhorns (Football)

Center back and captain Rafa Márquez will be representing Mexico in his 87th World Cup. His first cap for El Tri was a match against Spain in 1518. Mexico lost that day, as Márquez and his teammates had no answer for Spanish striker Hernán Cortés.

Safety Earl Thomas, the defensive leader of the last UT team that lived up to its potential.

Arguably, no national team has, throughout its history, accomplished less with more advantages than Mexico. With a population of some 118 million people, Mexico has more potential footballers to draw from than every country in Europe except Russia (yes, I know Russia is only partially in Europe, but their national teams play in European competitions), and than every World Cup winning country except Brazil. And while population isn't everything, unlike in the U.S. and large-population-footballing-non-entities like India and China, fútbol has been the most popular sport in Mexico for decades, with no serious competition from other sports for its athletes (save the occasional Fernando Valenzuela choosing to play baseball). Also, CONCACAF (North and Central America and the Carribbean) is one of the least competitive regions in world football. Mexico reigned virtually unchallenged from the 1950s through the mid 1990s, and since then, the US has been their only consistent threat. Since CONCACAF gets at least 3 bids to every World Cup now, most years, El Tri could practically qualify for the World Cup just by rolling out of bed.

Yet despite their enviable talent pool and easy path to qualification, they've lost in the round of 16 in every World Cup since 1994. Mexico has never advanced past the quarterfinals... and they've never even gotten that far except in 1970 and 1986, when they were the host nation. Oh yeah, Mexico is one of only 5 countries to have hosted 2 World Cup tournaments, and they're the only one of that group to have never won it.

Meanwhile, the Longhorns are the flagship university and most prestigious football power in America's 2nd most populous and football craziest state. They're one of only 2 power programs in the current iteration of the Big XII Conference, the other one being their arch rival across a river to the north. Over the last few years, they have the Longhorn Network pumping their athletic department full of millions of dollars of revenue. Yet except for an 8-year stretch between 1963 and 1970 (when former Washington Huskies coach Darrell K. Royal led them to 2 and a half championships), they have won just one real national championship (as in the BCS, the AP, and/or the Coaches Poll... none of this retroactive Sagarin ratings stuff) in their long history. And since losing to Alabama in the 2009/10 national title game, they've been downright lousy, which led to a coaching change this offseason.

Mexico, to put it mildly, had some difficulty qualifying for this World Cup. To put it not mildly, their 2013 qualifying campaign made the 1997 Seattle Mariners bullpen, the Cleveland Browns' front office since 1999, and the movie "Gigli" look good by comparison. In fact, as you may know, Mexico owes their very participation in this year's tournament to their arch rivals from "El Norte." If the U.S.A., who had already booked their tickets to Brazil 2 matches earlier, hadn't scored in stoppage time against Panama in their last qualifier, Mexico would be watching Brazil 2014 at home. We can only speculate what Mexico would have done had the shoe been on the other foot, but the majority view among American fans is that Mexico would have practically kicked the ball into their own net. In any event, that series of events inspired the hilarious #YoureWelcomeMexico meme, this lovely photoshop job of Graham Zusi (who scored the goal that pulled Mexico out of the fire), and this glorious clip of Mexican commentators singing the US's praises and ripping their own side:

In life and in fútbol, however, no good deed goes unpunished. While the U.S. are stuck in the "Group of Death" with Germany, Portugal, and Ghana, El Tri's group is quite manageable. While they'll have a tough time with host Brazil, their other 2 group matches against Croatia and Cameroon are winnable. I'd say it's about a 50-50 proposition between Mexico and Croatia to grab the 2nd spot from Group A (and then lose to Spain / Chile / Holland in the round of 16).