Park Ji Sung scored a goal against Portugal that allowed the U.S. to advance out of its group in 2002.
Alex Smith quarterbacked Utah to an undefeated season in 2004, under Coach Urban Meyer.
BYU-Utah is a surprisingly intense rivalry in college football not always grasped by "outsiders" who fail to the see the difference. With Japan represented by BYU, South Korea gets Utah. The Utes, are also known as the "Running Utes" and the Korean team does plenty of running as well. The "Taeguk Warriors" typically play an attacking style with high-pressure defense.
Utah and South Korea are both elite at lower levels of competition and ordinary at higher levels. South Korea has won 2 Asian Cups and qualified for every World Cup since 1986, but they've advanced out of the group only twice-- a Round of 16 appearance in 2010, and a 4th-place finish as one of the co-host nations in 2002. Similarly, Utah advanced to the 1998 NCAA title game in basketball and had an undefeated football season in 2004 as a member of the Mountain West Conference. Since joining the Pac-12, however, they've struggled in both major sports.
The Taeguk Warriors seemed to have a good chance of adding to their knockout stage experience this year, given the general weakness of Group H. Unfortunately, having drawn Russia and fallen behind Algeria, the Koreans' odds of advancing are now quite long, even with Belgium-- their last group opponent-- having already qualified for the next round.
Cristiano Ronaldo, in one of his typically dramatic poses
Alexander Ovechkin, Ronaldo's NHL analogue
If you wrote a script for a Hollywood sports movie with Cristiano Ronaldo as your main villain, they'd say his character was too unrealistic. Imagine a cross between Ivan Drago and Kanye West, throw on a few metric tonnes of hair product, and you more or less have "CR7." Ronaldo is a preternaturally gifted footballer, blessed with an exceedingly rare combination of size, speed, and technical ability that leads one to believe he may have been engineered in a Soviet sports lab like Drago. He also has a penchant for ostentatiousness and self-aggrandizement that makes Kanye almost seem humble by comparison. In addition to his attention-seeking antics on the pitch (which often involve removing his shirt), Cristiano models his own underwear line and dates Russian supermodel Irina Shayk off it. He won the Ballon D'Or this year, breaking Lionel Messi's streak of 4 consecutive wins, as he became the first player to ever "campaign" for the honor. He built a museum dedicated to himself in his hometown on the island of Madeira that displays all the awards he's won and conspicuously leaves space for more. To be fair, Ronaldo has also donated millions to charity and paid for sick children's medical treatment. Wilt Chamberlain once said "nobody likes Goliath," and Ronaldo-- perhaps deservedly-- receives the same anti-Goliath bias that athletes like The Big Dipper and Eric Lindros once experienced and that LeBron James and Alexander Ovechkin have now. (Cristiano looks particularly Goliath-esque when compared to the 5-foot-7, 140-some pound Messi, who is also much "quieter" both on and off the pitch.) Ovechkin doesn't have the same preening prima donna aura about him that Cristiano does; if anything, his off-ice persona is endearingly goofy. (On the ice / pitch, however, both Ovechkin and Ronaldo have been known to dabble in the dark arts.) However, Ovechkin has been unable to turn his remarkable individual talent into team success. In 3 Olympics with Russia, he has never won a medal of any color; and he's never led the Capitals past the 2nd round of the playoffs. Unlike Ovechkin, Ronaldo has won several major titles at the club level with Manchester United and Real Madrid; but he has been unable to get over the hump with Portugal. In fairness, ever since the retirement of Luis Figo and his "golden generation" after Portugal's run to the 2006 World Cup semifinals, the team has depended singularly on Ronaldo as heavily as the Capitals rely on Ovechkin and as the Cleveland Cavaliers once relied on LeBron. Joao Moutinho is a quality central midfielder, and Portugal are usually strong defensively, but they have no truly elite players beyond Cristiano. These Ronaldo-centric Portuguese sides have only one knockout stage victory in 4 games, but they have advanced out of the group in every major tournament they've contested (Euro 2008 and 2012; World Cup 2010). That streak, however, is in jeopardy after losing to Germany in a 4-0 blitzkrieg last week. Ronaldo entered this tournament with major questions about his health. He battled knee and hamstring problems in the later part of this past club season and has been limited in practice since joining up with the national team. The entire team was so outclassed in the Germany match that, while Ronaldo made no impact, it's hard to assess his fitness based on that. Cristiano's health and the effect of the weather conditions in Manaus are two major variables heading into tonight's match between Portugal and the U.S. that will go a long way toward determining the outcome. If Ronaldo is not close to 100%, then Portugal becomes a very ordinary team, especially with their back line decimated by the injury to Fabio Coentrao and suspension of Pepe (who's certainly no stranger to red cards with Real Madrid) they suffered in the Germany match. If C.R. is healthy, the American defense will probably face a long night. Then again, the weather conditions in Manaus could have any number of effects. Win, lose, or draw, the story line in Portugal will be all about Cristiano Ronaldo; and he wouldn't have it any other way.
Valencia Midfielder Sofiane Feghouli is Algeria's top talent.
Bruce Gradkowski starred at QB for the Rockets while having the most Toledo-ish name ever.
I feel like I've seen Algeria somewhere before...
You'd be forgiven for thinking that Algeria's national team should be renamed "France B;" 17 of the 23 players in this year's squad were born in France. As a former colony, there's obviously a rather complicated history there. The best Algerian players choose to play for Les Bleus, leaving the "Fennec Foxes" with mostly overlooked and unheralded leftovers. Algeria has never advanced out of the group stage at a World Cup, and they've just one major title to their name (the 1990 African Cup of Nations). Similarly, Northwest Ohio's close relationship to Michigan leads many of its best high school football players to play for the Wolverines. The rest typically play for the Buckeyes, leaving only the less regarded local products for the Rockets. Despite that, they've been one of the better programs in the Mid-American Conference over the years, and their accomplishments include 4 undefeated seasons (most recently in 1995 under Gary Pinkel's leadership) and a smattering of bowl game victories. In 2010, Algeria set up in an extremely defensive posture. They did not score a goal in the tournament, but they frustrated England into a 0-0 draw and would have done the same to the U.S. but for Landon Donovan's stoppage time goal. In their first match of 2014, the Foxes were a better side than favored Belgium for large stretches. They carried a 1-0 lead into the 70th minute before Belgium rallied for the win. With neither Russia nor South Korea setting the world on fire thus far, the Algerians could have a path through to the next round if they can duplicate their effort from the Belgium game against the group's lesser lights.
Andrey Arshavin, sadly not part of Russia's team for World Cup 2014
Russia's national animal is the bear, and during the Cold War, Americans viewed the Soviet Union as the pre-eminent symbol of evil in the world. (And some of that perception has returned under the reign of Vladimir Putin.) There is no more evil group of bears in American sports than the Bruins, a team that both takes cheap shots with intent to injure opponents and dives with a brazenness that would make the worst floppers in the World Cup blush. The antics of Brad Marchand, Shawn Thornton, Milan Lucic, and the rest of the Bruins' merry band of goons fill some fairly long Youtube compilations:
Not only are the Bruins vile on the ice, a too-large segment of their fans are even more disgusting. When Montreal Canadiens defenseman P.K. Subban, who is black, scored an overtime goal to beat the Bruins during this past season's playoffs, the N-word trended on Twitter in Boston. And that wasn't the first time something like that happened. Despite Boston's regrettable history regarding race relations, only Bruins fans manifest this sentiment in significant numbers when it comes to Boston's sports scene. Russia's fútbol team plays like the current Bruins, minus the cheap shots, but their results in tournaments more resemble the pre-2011 Bruins. Under Italian manager Fabio Capello, the Russians unsurprisingly play tough defense of the kind Zdeno Chara would appreciate. In 10 World Cup qualifying matches, they conceded only 5 goals. However, Russia also has a habit of underachieving at major tournaments. They've only won one title in their history, as the Soviet Union at the inaugural European Championship in 1960. They failed to even qualify for the 2006 and 2010 World Cups, missing out on the latter because they lost a UEFA playoff to Slovenia. At Euro 2012, they led their group heading into the final match, needing only a draw to advance. They went out of the tournament after losing to Greece in a game they largely dominated. This pattern continued somewhat in their first game this year; Russia controlled play for the most part against South Korea but only got a draw, thanks to a horrible gaffe by goalkeeper Igor Akinfayev. Russia are probably the 2nd most talented side in Group H, even with midfield leader Roman Shirokov missing the tournament due to injury. Will they be able to get the results they need against Belgium and Algeria to advance to the knockout round? P.S. Longtime talisman Andrey Arshavin did not make the squad for this year's World Cup, and social media is poorer for it.
Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini. According to official Iranian government
records, he is the national team's all-time leading scorer.
Nike CEO Phil Knight, the Supreme Leader of Oregon athletics.
Credit goes to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu for being the first to notice the connection between Iran and the Ducks:
The Oregon Ducks don't have nuclear weapons (that we know of), but they did spark an "arms race" in college sports, thanks to the gazillions of dollars that Nike CEO Phil Knight has donated to their athletic programs in the last 2 decades. "Uncle Phil's" fortune built various new facilities and amenities for Oregon football and basketball players that gave the Ducks a recruiting advantage over other teams. Those teams, in turn, built their own new weight rooms, locker rooms, video game systems, waterfalls, etc. Then Uncle Phil gave the Ducks more shiny new toys. Lather, rinse, repeat. Oregon and Nike (which are really one and the same) are also responsible for the "proliferation" of horrible uniforms that has taken over college sports. Dozens of teams have adopted garish, gimmicky designs, and/or dumped their traditional colors for black or silver (or some variant thereof), and/or been forced to change their names for no reason (GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!). We have the Ducks' constantly shifting wardrobes to thank for all of it.
Doesn't making 100 new uniforms every week go against the environmentalist / sustainability values that the Pacific Northwest is known for?
Yes Duck fans, you're right, what I think doesn't matter. Players like the uniforms, and a great many have chosen to play for Oregon at least in part because of them. Give the Devil its due. Oregon and Nike found a creative way to exploit a loophole in the NCAA's system of bullshit amateurism to acquire a competitive advantage. Bravo. That doesn't mean I have to like the abominations you have inspired across the country. Anyway, getting back to the World Cup, Iran resembles the hapless Oregon football teams of the 70s and 80s as opposed to the Nike-fueled juggernaut of recent vintage. The "Princes of Persia" (yes, that is one of their official nicknames) are one of the weakest teams in the field. They already surpassed many people's expectations for this tournament by nicking a point from Nigeria in their first game. Midfielder and Captain Javad Nekounam played with Osasuna (more or less the Buffalo Bills of La Liga, who were relegated after the just-concluded season) in Spain from 2006 to 2012. Midfielder Ashkan Dejagah has played for top division teams in Germany and England for the last 10 years (although his Fulham team was just relegated). Defender Steven Beitashour was born and grew up in San Jose, California, the son of Iranian-American immigrants, and plays in MLS. (Beitashour was called up by the US team once for a friendly in 2012 but did not play. More than a year later, he accepted his first call-up for Iran, at the age of 26. It does not appear that the US was ever terribly interested in him.) Other than that, their squad is a lot of largely anonymous jobbers who mostly toil in very low level leagues. Under former Portugal manager Carlos Queiroz, they play a system that consists of parking every bus in Persia in front of their own net and sucking the life out of games. It worked against Nigeria, but Argentina (and then Bosnia) will present a much more formidable challenge.
Midfielder Victor Moses. Can he lead Nigeria to the promised land?
QB Randall Cunningham, sporting a better looking uniform than what the Eagles wear now.
Nigeria wears green, and their nickname is the "Super Eagles." They've also shared their Philadelphia counterparts' propensity for disappointment and underachievement in recent years. The Philadelphia Eagles have consistently made the playoffs over the years. However, they've never won the Super Bowl and have only played in it twice, despite their long history, large market, and die-hard fan base. The Super Eagles have now qualified for 5 of the last 6 World Cups; but the farthest they've advanced is the round of 16, and they haven't even got that far since 1998. Similar to Mexico, they've been unable to capitalize on a massive population advantage despite little competition from other sports. Nigeria's population of more than 173 million is the largest in Africa, roughly double the 2nd largest (Egypt), and is the 3rd largest of countries who qualified for this World Cup (behind only the US and Brazil). Both Eagles had successful 2013s that gave their notoriously skeptical fans reasons for optimism in 2014. Nigeria won the African Cup of Nations for the first time in nearly 2 decades, and Philadelphia won the NFC East in Chip Kelly's first season as coach. But then things got rocky (and not in the Balboa sense). The "Iggles" lost their first round playoff game to New Orleans and made the wrong kind of offseason headlines recently when they released Pro-Bowl receiver DeSean Jackson for unspecified off-the-field issues. Meanwhile, Nigeria looked poor in their pre-World Cup friendlies and stumbled to a 0-0 draw with lowly Iran in their first group match. The Nigerian Eagles would feel super again if they defeat Bosnia today, a match that looked like the battle for 2nd place in Group F as soon as the draw was announced. A loss to the Dragons, however, would all but eliminate Nigeria; and even a draw puts them behind the 8 ball since they still have to face Argentina. Nigeria will likely go as far as Chelsea midfielders John Obi Mikel and Victor Moses can take them. Even if it doesn't work out for them this year, though, Nigeria's future looks promising. Only 3 outfield players in their team are older than 27.
Asamoah Gyan takes his ill-fated penalty against Uruguay.
Gordon Hayward: In Hollywood, his shot against Duke would've gone in.
In 2010, the Bulldogs and the Black Stars both eliminated my favorite team in their respective sports, then came heartbreakingly close to accomplishing something no team from their continent / conference ever had before. Butler defeated the "Shut It Down" Syracuse team ("What if Arinze Onuaku doesn't get injured in 2010?" is the 2nd most painful "what if" question in recent 'Cuse history, behind only "What if Fab Melo doesn't get suspended in 2012?") on its way to an appearance in the national championship game against Duke. Most people (myself included) expected Duke to crush Butler in this David vs. Goliath match-up, but the Bulldogs scrapped, clawed, and hung around all game. They even had a chance to win it on Gordon Hayward's half court buzzer beater, which came oh so close to going in!
The Bulldogs got all the way back to the title game a year later despite Hayward leaving early for the NBA draft. But the sequels to almost Hollywood sports movies are also never as good as the original. This time, UConn beat them convincingly. Last summer, Coach Brad Stevens, the architect of Butler's unprecedented success, left to coach the Boston Celtics. It remains to be seen what the Bulldogs can accomplish without him.
Ghana, meanwhile, eliminated the USA from its second consecutive World Cup in 2010 (I'm convinced that Ricardo Clark was a Ghanaian double agent.). They then faced Uruguay in the quarterfinals, with the chance to become the first African team to reach a World Cup semifinal. Then, this happened:
Asamoah Gyan missed the ensuing penalty, and Ghana lost in the penalty shootout. Some called this a cruel twist of fate, others called it karmic payback for Ghana's cynicism and gamesmanship in their two matches against the U.S. (Lookin' at you, Emmanuel Frimpong!) Since then, Ghana has seen the players who formed the nucleus of its successful 2006 and 2010 teams either age out of the squad entirely or lose their effectiveness; and many of its younger players have not developed as hoped. The Black Stars are now in serious trouble after the U.S. avenged their past defeats in the first game. If they lose to Germany today, Ghana will have the slimmest of chances to advance, needing to beat Portugal in their final group match and receive a lot of help. With the likes of Gyan, Kevin Prince-Boateng (who will be extra motivated facing Germany and his half brother Jerome), Kwadwo Asamoah, and others, Ghana has the talent to potentially pull an upset. They were a little unlucky against the U.S. (though not as unlucky as some would have you believe), but they'll need to be a lot more fundamentally sound to have a chance against the Germans.
Dual-national Swiss-Albanian winger Xherdan Shaqiri:
the most dangerous Albanian since Adil Hoxha
99.99% of America had never heard of Florida Gulf Coast University until they dunked all over Georgetown in the 2013 NCAA Tournament.
Switzerland is a lot like Washington, DC, and especially the Georgetown neighborhood. Many powerful and influential people, companies and institutions are located there. It's extremely expensive, and people act like they're better than you. Plus, while Georgetown alumni carry themselves with an extreme haughtiness and sense of moral superiority, most of them would probably help you hide Nazi gold if you paid them enough. Switzerland's football team has never won a knockout stage match at a World Cup. This makes them an ideal match for the Hoyas, who became the first team in history to be eliminated by double digit seeds in 5 consecutive NCAA Tournament appearances. Switzerland are a pretty good squad with some quality players (Bayern Munich's Xherdan Shaqiri, Juventus's Stephan Liechsteiner, and Napoli's Gökhan Inler and Valon Behrami are the most intriguing to watch.), but they are almost surely the most "over-seeded" team in this year's World Cup. How the FIFA rankings determined them to be one of the 7 best teams in the world last fall is anyone's guess. (Some suspect that it's because FIFA is headquartered in Switzerland.) Earning one of the coveted seeds enabled Switzerland to land in a comically easy group with only France near or above their level of talent. Thanks to their last minute escape of a victory over Ecuador, Switzerland are in the driver's seat to reach the round of 16 as long as they take care of business against lowly Honduras in their final group match. Today's matchup with France is almost a bonus. Then again, most people thought Georgetown would easily handle 15th seed Florida Gulf Coast University, until this happened:
R.I.P. Christian "Chucho" Benitez, who tragically died last year at age 27.
He was one of Ecuador's top players.
The Lobos are tough to beat at The Pit, but not in NCAA Tournament games.
Ecuador has one of the toughest home field advantages in world football. Their home ground, Estadio Olímpico Atahualpa in Quito, is more than 9,000 feet above sea level! As you can imagine, visiting teams struggle mightily with that altitude; and Ecuador isn't the same team when they play anywhere else. In CONMEBOL qualifying for this World Cup, Ecuador finished with 25 points, good enough for 4th place and the last automatic entry into the field of 32. Of those 25 points, they earned 22 of them in Quito, a whopping 88%! In contrast, Argentina won 20 of their 32 points at home (62.5%), Colombia won 17 of 30 (56.7%) and Chile won 18 of 28 (64.3%). The University of New Mexico Lobos' basketball team also has a distinctive and notoriously tough home venue located at a high elevation. "The Pit" in Albuquerque is just over a mile above sea level. The Lobos have notched some memorable home wins through the years, but they've never done much in the NCAA Tournament. The farthest they've ever gotten is the 2nd round (that's the round of 32, FYI... I don't buy the fiction that the play-in games are now the "first round."). Ecuador can relate to such problems. They've never advanced past the "2nd round" (round of 16) in their two prior trips to the World Cup, nor have they gotten past the "2nd round" of the Copa America (the Quarterfinals), except for the two times when they served as the host country (they finished 4th both times). Being in Group E at least gives La Tri a puncher's chance at advancing from the group and thus matching their best ever World Cup performance from 2006. They were in fairly decent shape until the final minute of their first group match against Switzerland, when Swiss forward Haris Seferovic turned a 1-1 draw-- which would have put Ecuador in a decent position going into their next 2 matches-- into a 2-1 Swiss win, which leaves Ecuador behind the proverbial 8 ball. The Ecuadorians' only paths out of the group now involve either them upsetting France or Switzerland choking against Honduras. If they don't get 3 points against the Catrachos today, they're good as dead regardless. P.S. Pairing Ecuador with the "Lobos" does not mean I'm rooting for them. I have no strong feelings about Ecuador one way or the other.
Candidly, Honduras was by far the hardest team in this World Cup field for which to find a match. Los Catrachos ("Catracho" is a word that refers to both the team as well as to Honduran people in general. It is derived from the surname of 19th century General Florencio Xatruch, who successfully defended the country from an invasion by a crazy American lawyer and his private army... this actually happened. "Filibuster" meant something rather different back then than it does now.) have no significant historical accomplishments or memorable players to speak of. They're playing in just their 3rd World Cup ever and have never won a match. They've only gotten past the semifinals of the CONCACAF Gold Cup once (and lost the final). However, they are a very dangerous team in qualifiers played at their home ground in San Pedro Sula. Los Catrachos have managed to cut down the U.S. and Mexico at home on several occasions. Similarly, Hawaii can also be giant killers at home due to how long it takes to travel there, and the many potential distractions for visitors to the islands. This is especially true for bowl games played in Hawaii. Honduras are also the only international fútbol team (or at least the only one in this World Cup) whose logo is just a giant letter "H."It resembles the logo used by the Rainbow Warriors (who were formerly just the Warriors, and before that the Rainbow Warriors, and before that just the Rainbows). Honduras's largest exports are sugar cane, tropical, fruit, and coffee, so there's that similarity too! (Just a few more straws to grasp at, then we can all move on to more exciting and relevant teams!) Honduras got a very fortunate draw into Group E, with Switzerland (the weakest seeded team), France (who can be erratic at times), and Ecuador (who had one of their best players die last year). Unfortunately, they looked completely overmatched in their first group game with France, even before they had a player sent off which obviously made their talent disadvantage that much worse. That was hardly unexpected, since France are probably the strongest side in Group E. But even against the less talented Ecuadorian and Swiss teams, Honduras will have to play at a much higher level to have a chance of getting out of the group, or even just their first ever World Cup win.
"It doesn't take two to tango if you're Lionel Messi. He'll dance with himself and make you cry, because we all just died in his arms tonight!" - beIN Sports commentator Ray Hudson
Even purely objective statements of fact about Lionel Messi start to, before long, sound like wild west tall tales and religious tomes. While leading Barcelona to buckets full of trophies, Messi has set the following records:
*Most combined national + club team goals in a calendar year (91 in 2012)
*Most goals in a La Liga season (50, in 2011-12)
*First player in a professional league (anywhere in the world!) to score goals against every league opponent in consecutive games (Nov. 2012 - March 2013)
*Most FIFA Ballon D'Or (world player of the year) awards (4, won consecutively, 2010-2013)
*Most career goals for F.C. Barcelona (354 in all competitions, 243 in La Liga)
*2nd most career goals in La Liga (243, only 8 behind the all-time record, which has stood since 1955)
Leo has done all that before his 27th birthday, which he'll celebrate later this month. However, in 21st century sports punditry, nothing can ever be good enough. The fact that Messi has not (yet?) won a World Cup is a bludgeon that vengeful commentators continually beat him with upside the head. This is especially true in Argentina, where Diego Maradona is still worshipped as a deity. (Figuratively by most, but literally by some.) In 1986, Maradona almost single-handedly (pun intended) carried Argentina to the title; and that performance casts a shadow the size of Mount Everest over Messi and Argentina football as a whole. There is also a popular sentiment in Argentina that Maradona "is one of us," while Messi is "foreign." Maradona grew up dirt poor in the slums of Buenos Aires and worked his way up through Argentinian clubs before moving to Europe (to Barcelona, ironically) at age 21. Messi grew up in slightly better socioeconomic circumstances, but he had a growth hormone deficiency that required expensive medical treatment. With Argentinian clubs unable or unwilling to pay for said treatment, Messi joined Barcelona's fabled "La Masia" youth academy at age 13 and has remained with the club ever since. Being anointed "The Next One" can be a rather thankless task, which current Penguins star Sidney Crosby can understand. As the shadow of "El Diego" has followed Messi through the years, Crosby started getting comparisons to Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux before he could legally drive. Crosby is about a month and a half younger than Messi, and he has already won a Stanley Cup, 2 Olympic Gold Medals, and various individual awards. But just being the best player right now isn't enough. Crosby is measured not against his contemporaries, but against 66 and 99.
As unreasonable as many of Crosby's "haters" can be, his poor play and petulance in the last few years' playoffs have given them plenty of ammunition to use against him.
That said, while it is fair to lay a significant share of the blame at Crosby's feet for his team's failure to win the Cup since 2009, the criticisms of Messi's World Cup "failure," are quite unfair. In 2006, Messi was 18 / 19 years old and played few minutes of any consequence (Messi first entered as a 75th minute sub in a group game Argentina led by 3 goals, and then he started the final group game after they'd already clinched a place in the knockout stage. His 36 minutes as a sub against Mexico in the Round of 16 were his only serious involvement.) He did not play in the quarterfinal match where Argentina were eliminated by Germany on penalties. Then four years ago, Messi was still just 22/23, and Argentina's coach was none other than Diego Maradona. Like many great players across different sports, Maradona was an awful coach. His tactics resembled something out of an acid trip. That didn't end up hurting Argentina until they faced the equally or more talented and far more tactically astute Germans again in the quarterfinals, where they lost 4-0. Messi was ripped for not scoring a goal in South Africa, but he assisted most of the goals that his teammates scored. (Unfortunately, FIFA does not keep track of assists as an official statistic.) This year's Argentina side also resembles the Penguins in another way; it features outstanding offensive talent but its goalkeeping and defense corps are shakier than the San Andreas Fault. Messi should have plenty of help up front from Manchester City's Sergio "Kün" Agüero, Napoli's Gonzalo "Pipita" Higuaín (whose less talented brother Federico plays for the Columbus Crew), and Real Madrid's Angel DiMaria (AKA "Di(ve) Maria"). Goalkeeper Sergio Romero, and all possible components of the starting back four, on the other hand, may resemble Marc-Andre Fleury, Kris Letang, and the rest of the Pens' keystone cops blueliners of recent years. Defensive midfield ace Javier "Smash" Mascherano will provide some help, but will it be enough? Argentina is in a fairly easy Group F and should cruise to the top of it. They seem to have as good a chance to win the tournament as anyone, especially since (at least through the first few games, knock on wood) goals are everywhere at this World Cup, and no one's defense looks particularly strong as yet. P.S. Don't call Argentina the "Albiceleste." As nicely as it rolls off the tongue, my Argentine friend Sergio says people from Argentina don't use that nickname, only American and British media do. P.P.S. Here's a Messi highlight reel. Prepare to be amazed.
Edin Dzeko is one of the world's best strikers. Standing 6-foot-4, he is especially dangerous in the air.
Robert Griffin III while at Baylor.
Brazil 2014 marks the first appearance in a major international tournament for the Bosnian side. They came to close to qualifying for both World Cup 2010 and Euro 2012, only to lose to Portugal in the UEFA Playoff Round both times. Considering that the country has a population of less than 4 million people (the 2nd least populous country in the tournament and the least populous to qualify through Europe) and is less than 2 decades removed from the horrific genocide that followed its independence from Yugoslavia, getting this far is quite an accomplishment. However, the "Dragons" (Zmajevi in the native tongue) don't play like a team that's just happy to be there. They like to fly up the field and score, defense be damned. Manchester City striker Edin Dzeko and Roma midfielder Miralem Pjanic lead the Dragons' fire-breathing attack. VfB Stuttgart striker Vedad Ibisevic, who played high school and college soccer in St. Louis, Missouri (one of US Soccer's many scouting / recruiting failures of the pre-Klinsmann era), also figures to play a role. Similarly, from the mid 1990s through the late 00s, Baylor was just as much a non-entity in football as Bosnia was in fútbol. Then Coach Art Briles and a dual-threat quarterback named Robert Griffin III showed up. Since 2010, the Bears have gone to 4 straight bowl games; and last season, they won their first ever Big XII championship. (Waco, Texas, is also notorious for an episode of violence in the mid 90s, though obviously the genocide in Bosnia was worse by a factor of thousands than the Branch-Dividian incident.) Bosnia's Group F breaks down as follows: Argentina is virtually certain to advance, Iran has little to no chance, and Bosnia and Nigeria are more or less battling for the 2nd spot. The Dragons face the "Super Eagles" on June 21st in what figures to be the group's most pivotal match.
Ty Detmer, record setting QB for BYU in their WAC heyday.
Japan have been the best team in Asia for the last 2 decades, winning the AFC Asian Cup 4 of the last 6 times it was contested. The "Samurai Blue" have also qualified for every World Cup since the tournament expanded to 32 teams in 1998, and they've made it out of their group twice. They've yet to get past the Round of 16, however. By the same token, BYU for several decades dominated the WAC / Mountain West but struggled against the top teams from power conferences. The Japanese team at this World Cup may also bring back memories of the old "Wacky WAC," where final scores with both teams in the 40s and 50s were common long before that sort of offense was in vogue nationwide. A.C. Milan's Keisuke Honda and Manchester United's Shinji Kagawa will lead the attack from midfield, and Eintracht Frankfurt striker Shinji Okazaki is a capable goal scorer. However, the Samurai Blue will struggle to keep the ball out of their own net. In wild and crazy Group C, they have as good a chance to advance as anyone.
Paul Gascoigne, AKA "Gazza."
England haven't had a player with his passing and ball control abilities since his retirement.
Bernie Kosar, the passer that the Browns have fruitlessly tried to replace for over 20 years.
I'm going to start this post off with my favorite fútbol-related joke. Did you know that the American Revolution actually ended in a tie, but England lost on penalties? *Badumching* Both England and the Browns won their last championship in the mid 1960s (1966 and 1964, respectively). Since then, not only have they lost, they've tended to do so in the most heartbreaking ways possible. As Browns fans suffered through "Red Right 88," "The Drive,""The Fumble," and countless other sporting tragedies courtesy of Cleveland's other teams, England has been eliminated on penalties in 5 of the last 8 major tournaments they've played. (World Cup 1998 and 2006; Euro 1996, 2004, and 2012). Throw in fan bases who vacillate between wildly naïve over-optimism and soul-crushing negativity-- regardless of whether real-world facts support either mindset-- and a general sense of decline in the country / city (Once upon a time, "the sun never set on the British Empire," and Cleveland was the 4th largest city in America and an industrial powerhouse), and you have unique stews of sports depression. It pained me to write that last paragraph. Both England and Cleveland are places near and dear to my own heart. Cleveland is the "ancestral homeland" of my father's side of my family and was my home for about 3 years. And as the home of Ian Darke, Monty Python, Downton Abbey, sloe gin, the board game "Kingmaker," and about 76% of the world's best music, I want to like England. Really, I do. But their fans and media make that very difficult. The English football media is a wretched hive of scum and villainy that makes Mos Eisley Spaceport look like The Justice League by comparison. (Ian Darke, Steve McManaman, Ray Hudson, Rebecca Lowe, Kay Murray, Martin Tyler, Arlo White, and Jon Champion are exempted from that statement.) They continue to propagate an ideology that "English" style football-- consisting of a 4-4-2 formation, brutish physicality, no control and passing skill in midfield, and "route 1" long balls down the field to the strikers-- is the only way to play. No matter how much success other countries and their club teams may enjoy with possession-based football and players with actual ball control skills, the English Media Cabal still insists that "pretty" football can't win championships. Since many fans and F.A. leaders evidently buy into this hogwash, small wonder then that the teams England fields in tournament after tournament have the same weaknesses. There may be some glimmers of hope for The Three Lions in this year's squad, though. England have one of the youngest sides in the tournament, featuring potential up-and-coming stars like Ross Barkley, Raheem Sterling, Jack Wilshere (AKA "Jack Wheelchair" due to his injury history), and Daniel Sturridge. Will Manager Roy Hodgson let the kids show what they can do? Or will he once again try to jam the dual square pegs named Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard into round holes? If the young-uns step up and Wayne Rooney can finally play up to his caliber in a World Cup, then England may well get out of Group D-- a task that just got a bit easier with Uruguay stumbling against Costa Rica and Gigi Buffon's injury for Italy-- and set themselves up nicely for future tournaments. If not, well, expect a lot more screeds about how "possession football is for weaklings" and other such drivel. I'll close this entry with the band New Order's theme song for the England (In-ger-land) 1990 World Cup team. (The last English team that actually had a chance to win a World Cup.)
Earlier this year, Uruguay became the first country in the world to legalize marijuana (as opposed to "de-criminalize" it like the Netherlands and some other European countries have done). Clearly though, weed was already quite prevalent among its footballers. Star striker Luis Suarez once had such a bad case of the munchies during a match that he tried to eat an opposing player.
A humorous response to the Suarez biting incident.
Suarez teaming up with PSG striker Edinson "El Matador" Cavani was supposed to give Uruguay one of the best attacks in the tournament, perhaps one that could compare to the record-setting offense Peyton Manning and company put up last year (except in the Super Bowl of course :D ). And La Celeste need to put up a lot of goals, because questions abound in Uruguay's midfield and once superb but now aging defense. Unfortunately, Suarez had knee surgery a few weeks ago, and is scrambling to regain his fitness. While he's in the team, Suarez is not in the Starting XI for Uruguay's first match against Costa Rica. As unlikeable as Suarez is due to the biting incident, the racial abuse of Patrice Evra, and the handball against Ghana in South Africa, he is a tremendous talent. If Suarez isn't fit, then Diego Forlán-- Uruguay's hero of the 2010 World Cup, but now 35 years old and several years removed from top level club football-- will have to shoulder far more responsibility, and one wonders how much he has left in the tank. They won't have much time to wait for Suarez with Italy and England challenging them in a very tough Group D.
Rangers Goalie Henrik Lundqvist. My disdain for his team has nothing to do with him.
Last March, Costa Rica played a qualifier against the U.S. in suburban Denver that shall be forever remembered as "The Snow Game" or "The SnowClásico." The match started with light snowfall that by the 2nd half had turned into a full-on blizzard. In the 55th minute, with the U.S. leading 1-0 on an early Clint Dempsey goal, the referee attempted to stop the match, which would have meant starting over at 0-0 on another date. The U.S. obviously didn't want that, but reports suggested that the Costa Rican team had-- to their credit-- agreed to continue the match and told the referee as much. The weather and the pitch conditions only worsened. Thanks to a herculean effort by the stadium's grounds crew, the game went the full 90, and the U.S. won by that 1-0 scoreline. Then, after the game, the Ticos' tune suddenly changed. They claimed they hadn't agreed to continue the match, and they filed a protest with FIFA over its result. Something tells me that had Costa Rica scored to tie the match (never mind had they scored twice to win it), there would have been no protest. Because of that slippery move, Costa Rica gets matched up with the New York Rangers, the team with arguably American sports' most bogus victim complex. The number of Rangers fans and media who believe that the NHL is somehow "out to get" the marquee team in its biggest market is utterly ridiculous. New York Post columnist Larry Brooks is the leader of this tinfoil hat crowd, and former coach John Tortorella was all too happy to play along with it. Since World War II, Costa Rica has only won one fewer Stanley Cup than have the Rangers. Costa Rica didn't qualify for their first World Cup until 1990. They made it to the round of 16 that year (when there were only 24 teams), and this is their 3rd trip since the tournament expanded to 32 teams. They haven't advanced out of the group in the 32-team format, and this year doesn't figure to be any different. The Ticos had a strong qualifying campaign, but they're stuck in Group D (for DEATH, MUAHAHAHAHA!!!) with Uruguay, Italy, and England.
Greece defender Avraam Papadopoulos. Fun fact: 80% of Greece's players are named "Papadopoulos," and 90% are defenders.
In 2004, both Greece and the Pistons unexpectedly won championships with teams that made up for a lack of star power with outstanding defense. Since then, however, neither team has done much, and their homes have turned into economic wastelands. The Greeks defeated host nation Portugal in the final of Euro 2004; and the Pistons of Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton, Ben Wallace & Co. knocked off the last Lakers team to feature both Shaq and Kobe (along with aging Karl Malone and Gary Payton trying to pick up rings). Not all defensive football is created equally. Some systems resemble a full-court press in basketball and can lead to some exciting matches (the way Atlético Madrid plays under Diego Simeone is a great example of this). Then at the other end of the spectrum, you have Greece's brand of defense, which takes "parking the bus" to new extremes. In 24 major international tournament matches all time, Greece has scored just 18 goals (yes, Mr. "Soccer is Boring" American, that's extremely low even by the standards of this sport). As one can imagine, this earns the team a lot of criticism from non-Greek fans and media; but the Greeks say they're just playing tactics that get the most out of limited talent. While the 2004 Pistons weren't criticized for their style of play, the "Bad Boys" Pistons of the late 1980s and early 90s can certainly relate. Greece enters the 2014 World Cup with their usual crew of stout defenders and a lack of midfield creativity and scoring punch. German coach Joachim Löw once described playing against Greece as "like biting into a rock." (That could also describe what it's like to watch them.) The names may change, but the team never really does. Fortunately for them, they ended up in wide open Group C, where they have as good a chance to advance as anyone. For the sake of entertainment value, let's hope they don't.
Joe Thornton, the Sharks' regular season greatness and playoff failure personified.
Didier Drogba, a truly larger than life figure in the Ivory Coast. He's an irritant on the pitch, but a great humanitarian off it.
Ivory Coast meets Silicon Valley in this pairing of valuable materials describing geographic features. Both are fairly recent additions to the top levels of their sports. Les Éléphants won their first and only major trophy at the 1992 African Cup of Nations, just as the Sharks completed their first NHL season. Since qualifying for their first ever World Cup in 2006, Ivory Coast has duplicated San Jose's pattern of having loads of elite talent, dominating the "regular season" (qualifying campaigns), and failing to win anything in major tournaments / the "playoffs." Some of this has been due to bad luck: the Ivorians were drawn into "Groups of Death" at both Germany 2006 (with Argentina and The Netherlands) and South Africa 2010 (with Brazil and Portugal), and played the latter with superstar Didier Drogba hobbled by an injury. Other poor tournament results, however, were plain old choke jobs, like losing the 2012 African Cup of Nations final on penalties to Zambia (a team that had never previously won anything and has never even qualified for a World Cup).
And, like the Sharks, the core players that have led Ivory Coast through their run of heartache are now beginning to age out of the squad. This year's tournament is believed to be the last hurrah for Les Éléphants' "golden generation." The aforementioned Drogba, who enjoyed a run as one of the world's top strikers at Chelsea from 2004 to 2012, is 36. Defensive stalwarts Didier Zokora and Kolo Touré are 33, while top midfielder Yaya Touré (If Jim Brown had been born in West Africa in the early 1980s, he'd have been Yaya Touré), the spring chicken of the bunch, is 31.
This "generation" has performed superbly for the best clubs in Europe and won most of the continent's biggest trophies, yet they've never been able to put it together with the national team. Can they finally put on a good showing at a tournament this year? At least they've finally managed to avoid the Group of Death. Group C is one of the weaker ones this year, featuring injury-plagued Colombia, offense-starved Greece, and defensively-challenged Japan. Will the Elephants stampede through this open door? Or has the fickle finger of fate waited just long enough to open said door for the players to be too old to take advantage? P.S. You may hear the story during Ivory Coast's matches about how the team's success supposedly helped end the Ivorian civil war in 2005. Sadly, despite some positive contributions from Drogba and other players, this tale is far more myth than reality.
Barcelona's Alexis "Electric" Sanchez will lead Chile's attack
Red Raiders Coach Kliff Kingsbury in his playing days
Chile don't have much of a history. They've never won a World Cup or Copa América championship; and their only World Cup performance that lasted beyond the Round of 16 was a 3rd place finish way back in 1962 (when they were the host country). "La Roja" ("The Red," not to be confused with Spain's "Red Fury") lives in the shadows of Brazil and Argentina like the Red Raiders must constantly fight for oxygen with Texas and Oklahoma. However, both Chile and Texas Tech have experienced perhaps their best run of success since the late 90s. After failing to advance past the groups / 1st game in 5 of their first 6 World Cups, Chile has made the Round of 16 in their last two. Beginning in the mid to late 90s, Tech went from historical afterthought to consistent bowl game participant and occasional Big XII title contender, first under the leadership of Spike Dykes, then Mike Leach. Speaking of Leach, he and Chile's 2010 World Cup coach, Marcelo "El Loco" Bielsa both have reputations as eccentric geniuses whose teams play highly entertaining football. Both Chile and Texas Tech are now coached by disciples of Bielsa / Leach, (Jorge Sampaoli / Kliff Kingsbury) who maintain many of their mentors' major principles but do so without the craziness.
With facial expressions like this, it's no wonder they call Bielsa "El Loco."
Former Texas Tech and current Washington State Coach Mike Leach is known for his love of pirates.
Chile are fielding perhaps their best team ever this year, led by Barcelona winger Alexis Sanchez and Juventus midfielder Arturo Vidal. Those two could start for every country in this tournament-- Alexis is freakishly fast and has dangerous big-play ability if he gets a little bit of space, while Vidal is a midfield swiss army knife who excels at every aspect of the game, both offensively and defensively. (Think Scottie Pippen in cleats.) Unfortunately, Chile were drawn into one of the "Groups of Death, alongside both finalists from the 2010 tournament. Their games against Spain and the Netherlands should be fun to watch, and the Chileans should not be underestimated... especially since they're also fighting for an inspirational cause! Remember a few years ago, when 33 Chilean miners were trapped in a collapsed mine for more than 2 months? <Pauses while you google it.> Oh yeah, them! Well, those miners recently appeared in an ad supporting the team.
I don't know how anyone (other than hard core Spain, Holland, and/or Australia devotees) can watch that video and not want to run around screaming "CHI CHI CHI!!! LE LE LE!!!" at the top of their lungs. P.S. Do not pronounce the name of this country as "chili." It's "CHEE-LAY."
Mané Garrincha, the "Angel with Bent Legs." Though less "successful" than teammate Pelé, he is arguably more beloved
Elgin Baylor. In college, he led Seattle University (!!!) to the Final Four
Name a statistic that reflects dominance in world football and Brazil probably leads it. This year's host nation has won more World Cup titles than any other country (5), and is the only team to win World Cups on 4 different continents (if you consider Europe and Asia separate continents, which Eurocentric FIFA does). Like the Lakers, Brazilians pride themselves not only on beating you, but on playing with style and flair as they do it. "Showtime"'s equivalent in Brazil is "joga bonito" (literally "play beautifully"). Both teams wear distinctive yellow jerseys and have featured a veritable who's who of their respective sports' all time greatest players... most of whom can be identified with just a single moniker. Elgin, Jerry, Wilt, Magic, Kareem, Shaq, Kobe. Pelé, Garrincha, Sócrates, Romário, Ronaldo, Rivaldo, Ronaldinho. Unfortunately, Brazil hasn't really played "joga bonito" since they were knocked out of the 1982 and 1986 World Cups by allegedly more "pragmatic" sides. In the years since, Brazilian football has become far less attacking and technical, and far more defensive, physical, and (for lack of a better word) "corporate." Grantland ran a great piece on this and similar themes the other day. (TL ; DR: for all his successes on the field, Pelé has become a shill for whoever will pay him, including horribly corrupt Brazilian governments.) In another similarity Lakers fans can relate to, Brazil's team selections have reflected poor scouting and management in recent years. Due to a number of political issues with players' agents and Brazilian club owners, the simplified version of what happens is that players from the Brazilian domestic league (which would be maybe the 6th best league in Europe, and that's being very charitable) are wildly overrated, while Brazilians who play in Europe for any team outside the Barcelona - Real Madrid - Bayern Munich super-elite level are wildly underrated. Case in point: Atlético Madrid. The Colchoneros (literally "mattress makers") had a season for the ages this year, and they have 3 players who arguably should be in the Seleçao's Starting XI, but instead aren't even on their roster. One is Diego Costa, who I talked about in my preview of Spain. Coach Gene Hackman... I mean Luiz Felipe "Big Phil" Scolari chose Fred and Jo as Brazil's strikers for last summer's Confederations Cup, leaving Costa off the team. Yes, their names are Fred and Jo, and yes, Brazilian players with one-syllable Anglo-American sounding names are typically rubbish. Costa's game is versatile and adaptable; it's not like Scolari would've had to change the rest of the team to accommodate him. Three months later, Costa had a Spanish passport and signed up for La Furia Roja.
He coached basketball in Hoosiers and gridiron football in The Replacements. Now, he'll try his hand at fútbol! Gene Hackman is "Big Phil" Scolari in The Brazilian Connection!
On defense, Atléti center back Joao Miranda and left back Filipe Luis are arguably both better fits for Brazil than presumed starters David "Sideshow Bob" Luiz and Marcelo. Miranda vs. David Luiz and Filipe Luis vs. Marcelo are at least close calls, the differences between them are in style more than talent. The Atlético players are more defensively responsible, while Luiz and Marcelo can both fairly be described as "reckless." (Former England / Manchester United player Gary Neville once compared David Luiz's on-pitch decision-making to a "10-year-old with a playstation.") Far less debatable is leaving those two off the team entirely in favor of Maxwell and Henrique. Despite all this, Brazil still has an excellent shot at winning. They have enough talent to draw from that they can make a few shaky decisions and not be hurt by them. Plus, they'll have home field advantage as the hosts (though that also comes with a lot of pressure that could become a disadvantage if they stumble). Thiago Silva (no, not the UFC fighter), perhaps the world's best center back, can cover for David Luiz and Marcelo's more adventuresome tendencies. Dani Alves remains one of the world's best right backs at both ends of the pitch. They have a solid, if unspectacular, cast of midfielders to pressure opponents and create chances on the counter. And leading the attack, the Seleçao's latest one-name phenom is Neymar, who despite being just 22 years old will be wearing the legendary number 10 shirt and has the host nation's hopes riding largely on his shoulders.
Neymar da Silva Santos Júnior
*Tangent-- you'll probably hear some of the commentators talk about how Neymar had a "bad" or "disappointing" season with Barcelona. To borrow a line from Colonel Sherman T. Potter, that is "horse hockey." Unlike most people spouting that opinion, I watched more than 3 Barça matches this season. Talk to me on the side if you want to hear more on the subject, but this post is already too long. Neymar, love him or hate him (and there are plenty in both camps), is a brilliant talent. Brazil's fate will likely hinge on whether he gets enough help up front from the likes of Fred, Jo, Hulk, and Oscar.
